Foreplay
Remember, lovemaking and foreplay are types of meditation, which help forget any worldly tension or stress, but for that 100% involvement of both the partners and readiness to forget other things for the time period are necessary. Lovemaking is an experience where you are with your partner and experience the ultimate pleasure and it definitely helps fight tension and stress. To achieve maximum satisfaction and to arouse to the peak level, both partners need extra spice, and that is attained in foreplay. Lovemaking is considered one of the most efficient ways to get close to your partner; you are with your soul-mate and have prepared yourself to forget all other things and set your mind to attain the ultimate experience, foreplay allows you to do exactly the same. It is not only restricted to bodily pleasure, but it’s a moment when both partners dedicate themselves to each other.
You need to appreciate the appearance of your partner; this increases his/her confidence if she/he lacks confidence. Sensitive foreplay in lovemaking helps a person understand what his/her partner likes and is also important for establishing intimacy and understanding. Touching, caressing, kissing, and hugging are some of the needful things that help your partner come closer to you. Giving and taking feedback, communicating with each other, and trying to understand the problems of one partner are some of the most important exercises that should be carried out by both partners during foreplay, it is necessary to understand that one can feel relaxed only when her/his feelings are understood by her/his partner.
Foreplay includes a range of activities such as undressing, kissing, petting, and oral sex; but you can add your own thoughts to the list. Sensitive foreplay is so important to good sex because it will help both partners enjoy sexual intercourse more, and it will especially help women reach orgasm more often. Most women need prolonged stimulation in order to reach complete arousal, and foreplay will provide them with the required encouragement.
During foreplay, go slow; begin by kissing and caressing. A kiss is usually the first physical expression of love and desire, but it is also often forgotten during sexual intercourse. During intercourse, kiss the different parts of your partner’s body, and don’t be restricted solely to the mouth. Most women complain that their partners don't kiss long enough and rush the movement directly to the genital area. Don't be shy to experiment on every part of the body (for example, many women enjoy particular kissing and nibbling attention to the neck and shoulders), and remember to prolong the foreplay with more kissing and caressing.
Some important points for foreplay are: some people find undressing very exciting and erotic, go ahead and try it, use soft and sensitive words; it will help your partner know that she/he can take all the time she/he needs, forget about the world and be with yourself and your soul-mate let her know that you want to be with her…, gentle touching helps express love, try massaging sensitive areas like neck, armpits, breasts, buttocks and earlobes gently, try to be naughty, biting is the most exciting activity I ever have known, use your tongue or lips very gently to explore her whole body that makes her feel special, do not forget to massage your partner’s (this tip is for males only) perineum i.e. the area between the vagina and the anus, it’s one of the most erogenous zones for women, try blowing the wet area after kissing, do not forget to give directions, this will help your partner understand what you like most, massage and gently love to your partner’s G-spot (it is in both men and women), allow your partner see how you masturbate, it will help your partner understand how to arouse you and also will help to fulfill the need of visual stimulation for your partner, use all the sex toys you can, and finally try to read your partner, cause it can help you get her/him to the ultimate pleasure.
A level of calmness can be attained by well-organized lovemaking. Most couples feel happy and refreshed after an organized, sensual and highly exciting love-making experience, and this definitely helps them fight any kind of stress and tension-filled situations for the whole day ahead. I wish you a very fun-filled and lovely life!
Time spent on foreplay
* On average, people across the world spend 19.7 minutes on foreplay with men claiming to spend more time than women - 20.2 and 18.8 respectively
* The younger age groups take the longest - 21.6 minutes for 16-20-year-olds and 19.1 for 21-24-year-olds compared to 17.3 minutes for the over 55s
* The British spend the most time on foreplay (22.5 minutes), followed closely by the Germans (22.2), the Irish (21.8) and the Spanish (21.7)
* The Thais spend the least amount of time (11.5 minutes) followed by those in Hong Kong (14.2) and the Vietnamese (15.2)
Kissing
The key to good kissing is creativity, active listening, and changing patterns. Creativity speaks for itself. Creativity includes trying new ideas, and/or new combinations of movements, locations and moods. Active listening refers to paying attention to your partner's verbal and non-verbal signals. Is your partner currently excited? Is your partner in a happy or sad mood? What does your partner want to do? Is your partner wishing for a quiet evening of talking, or does he/she want a romantic encounter, a quickie, or an animalistic lustful encounter? Which movements turn your partner on the most? Which ones are the least? Changing patterns refer to the alterations of the types of kisses used.
Half of a good kiss is the anticipation of the imagination about what will follow and what this kiss means. Very rarely will a partner complain that the pace is too slow. The slowness can actually raise the sexual tension by 'pacing' the sexual encounter. Each stage will have to be fully explored before moving on. Sometimes, the simple act of kissing is enough. Kissing does not always lead to intercourse. Sometimes a kiss is exactly what a couple wants, something steamy, hot, romantic, and connected. A frequent mistake that long-term couples make is that a kiss is always a signal for intercourse. Or that a kiss should always follow a set order and path. Routines (while pleasurable) can also be deadly. Routines sometimes can act to diminish the excitement, because the other person already knows exactly what will come next. In that way, a 'first' with someone new is always exciting, because you simply have no idea about what to expect. Therefore, in an effort to help people 'break' old patterns a set of different types of kisses have been collected. It is my hope that you will all, on your next date, keep these ideas in mind and practice them on your next kiss.
Types of kissing
*Simple fast kiss on the lips.
*Wet fast kiss on the lips.
*Dry fast kiss on the lips.
*Suspenseful kiss on the lips. The type that has a long build-up and both parties wonder when the other one will start to lean over… or if the other person is even interested.
*Elongated kiss. This one involves a bit of mouth movement (opening and closing).
*Elongated kiss, with the use of your tongue. Imagine sucking on your arm, while using your tongue to GENTLY pull in the skin, and then GENTLY push the skin back onto the arm. Another way to imagine this is, to think of using your tongue to 'knead" the skin on the arm. Similar to 'kneading" bread. The movements are best when slow, steady and precise.
*Slobbery kiss. This is excellent for cunnilingus and fellatio. The saliva acts as a lubricant. However, at all other times, unless specifically requested, avoid the slobbery kiss.
*Wetting lips kiss. Run your tongue along the contours of their lips.
*Sucking kiss. Exactly that. Suck on their lips.
*Upper lip kiss. Only kiss the upper part of the lip.
*Lower lip kiss. Only kiss the lower part of the lip.
*The nibbling kiss. Literally, nibble on their lips and nibble/kiss all over their cheeks and ears.
*Tongue sucker kiss. Literally, suck on your partner's tongue as if it was a finger.
*Teeth cleaner kiss. While kissing, run your tongue along the inside of their mouth. Explore the structure of your partner's teeth. Feel each tooth (within reason), one by one. By following each grove, note the texture(s) of the tooth.
*Tongue player kiss. Use your tongue to play with your tongue.
*Mouth explorer kiss. Use your tongue to explore the rest of your partner's mouth. What does the inside of your partner's cheek feel like, the back of the lips? Does it feel dry, hard, or firm?
*Public kiss. Kiss your partner in public, kiss your partner in private.
Types of kiss
*Motion kiss. Change kissing speeds. Begin super slow, and then let yourself speed up. The beginning part of the kiss should last at least 10 minutes, then after your partner can not stand it any longer speed up. Then, do not forget to slow your speed down. Too much of anything is not a good thing. Frequent subtle alterations, keeps the person guessing as to what will come next.
*Loud kiss. Kiss your partner while making loud kissing noises.
*Silent kiss. Kiss your partner without making any noise - best to practice when someone is around and you do not want to be heard.
*Copycat kiss. Kiss your partner the exact way that she/he kisses you. Follow your partner's lead.
*Open-eyed kiss. Maintain eye contact during kissing.
*Closed-eye kiss. Close your eyes and imagine how this kiss will lead to the best sexual encounter ever imaginable.
*Lick kiss. While kissing, use your tongue to lick her tongue, her teeth, and the roof of her mouth. Do not confuse this 'lick' with a dog's sloppy wet kiss. This 'lick' is very precise. This technique is meant to be used to pull your partner's mouth slightly closer to yours and to feel what your partner feels like. Please note, your partner's mouth should be relatively dry afterwards.
*Talking kiss. The talking kiss refers to whispering sweet nothings to your partner as you kiss them on their lips. In between each kiss or two, while still invading their space, sharing thoughts with them about how much you like them, or how much they turn you on. (i.e. the dress you wore last night, your eyes, the way you handled the situation at dinner etc).
*Elevator kiss. Sneak a kiss into your partner when you are on the elevator and no one else is around.
*Peck kiss. Just a fast kiss on the lips, where you literally peck your partner on the lips.
*Isolated kiss. Just one kiss.
Breast Stimulation
Women often enjoy having their breasts lavished with love, which means gentle licks, nibbles, and caresses with lips, tongues, and fingers. Stimulate her entire breast, not just the nipple. Take your time. Get some body lotion or oil and massage it into her breasts. Her genitals may respond to breast stimulation, if they do, it is a good way to prolong sexual pleasure. Be aware that there are women who need clitoral and nipple stimulation simultaneously in order to experience orgasm.
Nipples are very sensitive since they have lots of nerve endings. And true, touching them can be arousing in a sensual circumstance. Some women have even gotten an actual climax from nipple stimulation alone - though for the majority this is not so. But why does it happen to some?
The answer really is very simple: sexuality is in the mind. Whether nipple stimulation is arousing or not depends on the woman's mindset. If it is a sexual situation, and she believes touching nipples is part of that, then it can be arousing. And, the oxytocin released can further help that feeling.
Nipple stimulation releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is responsible for the let-down reflex in breastfeeding. In other words, oxytocin causes the milk flow within the breast. Also, labour contractions are caused by large quantities of oxytocin. In fact, physicians routinely induce labour by injecting a certain form of oxytocin into women (this practice may not be totally safe, however, some people argue).
Also, and very importantly, a kind touch anywhere in the body causes oxytocin to be released. This is true for friendly hugs, massages, a hairdresser touching your scalp, shaking hands, stroking someone's skin, and caressing touch within the intimate moments - if it is kind and friendly, your body releases oxytocin. Oxytocin makes you feel good, feel loving and friendly towards whoever touched you. Also, it helps the mother will feel love towards her baby when the baby suckles on her breast. In other words, it helps to bond. It is called the love or cuddle hormone, and it exists in all kinds of friendly human relationships.
Oxytocin or kind touch is so important that babies who are not touched a lot, won't develop properly. The touch deprivation that some lonely people experience can lead to depression. Elderly people are especially in danger of that. Everyone needs touch, and everyone needs oxytocin, even your pet.
So nipple stimulation releases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. But only THE MIND will make a woman feel sexually aroused because of that. It is not the nipple stimulation per se - if that was so, then she'd feel aroused during labour and giving birth, too, since large quantities of oxytocin are circulated in the bloodstream during those painful moments. The same is true of breastfeeding - a baby's suckling of the nipple causes oxytocin to be released, but it doesn't normally create sexual feelings.
Most people agree that a human person can be 'turned on' just by the power of the mind alone. The mind or human brain is the biggest and most important 'sexual organ' we have. So if the woman believes it is sexually stimulating, if her husband is right there and he is emitting the pheromones for her to smell, and the setting is right, she's thinking about it, then yes, it can be stimulating. The oxytocin released helps her further to feel loved and loving.
Hopefully, this explains why the fact that oxytocin is released by nipple stimulation does not make breasts a sexual organ in the sense that genitals are. Breasts are comparable to the skin - not to genitals.
So why such a fuss about breasts not being a sexual organ? It is because the way US society views female breasts creates lots of problems and suffering. It makes women feel ashamed and extremely worried about their breast size or shape - to the point that some teenagers consider suicide because of that! It makes women get breast implants and then often develop serious complications from them. It hinders breastfeeding in various ways - women fear breastfeeding in public, some women don't even consider it since they want to 'keep' their breasts 'for sexual function only', some think it is 'dirty' or think breastfeeding gets being 'dirty' after the baby grows past a certain age. Believing breasts are 'dirty' and not seeing breastfeeding develops obsessions in young boys and men. The list is long.
All kinds of body parts have been considered sensual and arousing at different times and different places. The fixation on breasts in the modern Western World is just cultural, not physiological.
Erotic Massage
It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage table of some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can start with a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to your partner's sex centres. The idea is to bring your partner to high levels of arousal and keep him or her there for a while. For men, this is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades). For women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring them to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time.
Erotic massage can work equally well for same-sex as for opposite-sex partners. Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with their hands doesn't tend to bring up the same set of cultural fears and judgments that oral sex or intercourse sometimes do, it sometimes works well even when your partner isn't of a gender you are normally attracted to.
Preliminaries
Set and Setting
Taking the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for your erotic massage shows that you care about your partner and value pleasure. Start by turning off the phones. You may wish to put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where one would be comfortable lying down naked. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner (keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. Pieces of (possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for your partner.
Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favourite music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.
If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.
Lubrication
One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections. For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket. Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.
It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell. Since many of these belts have two pockets, you could use one for lube and the other for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before putting them on someone; if you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a few minutes before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in a bowl of warm water instead of using a belt. It's also a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm them if necessary. Oh, and one final word of advice: please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context, Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but irritate.
Good Communication
During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage, it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure. Requests to go to the bathroom, for touch to be harder or lighter, to take a break or stop, for the heat to be turned up, etc., are all signs that levels of communication and trust are high. They are also signs that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or her feelings, which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure. Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult emotional issues for them. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it's usually best to just be there for that person and reassure them that it's OK to cry (possibly while holding them) rather than trying to rationally discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving. Asking them what they need rather than assuming too much is also a good idea.
I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that your relationship includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going ahead with an erotic massage. Situations where the giving partner tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time, but the receiving partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation massage or doesn't feel your friendship should include sex, can be uncomfortable and embarrassing at the least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up beforehand with a new partner, even if you have to blush a little when telling him or her what you think it would be fun to do with them.
Giving Your Erotic Massage
Relaxing Your Partner's Body Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other's eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each other's faces or hands.
When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones. When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes, keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.
After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.
Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow ask his or her permission to go further. The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.
Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc. Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favoured among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More" section for more ideas.
"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though the penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.
"G-Spot" - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculation is NOT urine but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from the centre in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
"Vibrator" - Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed. The most versatile vibrators are the standard plug-in models such as the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl. Sex supply shops such as Good Vibrations and Toys in video catalogues sell these vibrators, along with various attachments for specific kinds of stimulation.
"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Sexy compliments, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.
Cocooning
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Variations and Enhancements
Conscious Breathing
Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the massaging partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them leads to wonderful sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...
Group Massage Gatherings
These can be put on with three or more participants. Participants divide up into groups of three or four, with one massage table per group. Each person in each group gets a certain amount of time on their table, and before massage begins this person tells the other people at his or her table what he or she would like, and what his or her limits are. This can be a lot of fun and is a great way to practice asking for what you want sexually (a habit that has the power to enhance your pleasure in and of itself). It's good to start and end these by having everyone get in a circle, introduce themselves (if necessary), and "check-in" (i.e. say something about where they're at, what they would like to get out of the day, what they liked about the day, etc.). It's also helpful to have little snacks and water for people to eat and drink. Since you may end up giving three or four different people massages during an event like this, it's fairly common for the host and/or hostess to ask everyone to use gloves for all genital massages, and possibly for everyone to wash their hands before the next person gets on the table.
For small gatherings (6-8 people) of participants who all know each other, people can just gravitate towards whatever table and group they want when it's time to start; for larger events or events where there will be a lot of beginners, it's often helpful for the host or hostess to assign people to tables so things stay balanced, nobody's feelings get hurt, and so there aren't any tables composed entirely of novices. It's usually a good idea to put someone in charge of bringing supplies to the event (latex gloves, massage oil in little bottles, lube, towels, etc.), and (when lots of new folks are involved) for the host or hostess to stay at least marginally aware of what is going on so things stay comfortable for everyone.
These events usually work very easily for men-only or women-only groups and tend to work best for mixed-gender groups when at least a rough gender balance is maintained and there are at least a few experienced men and women in attendance.
Finishing with Intercourse
Some partners (especially opposite-sex couples) like to finish with intercourse rather than the blanket wrapping I've described. Since most massage tables are sturdy enough to support two people, near the end of the massage one partner can climb on top of the other and they can both fuck themselves to what are often very powerful orgasms. Thus, they can finish locked in each others' embrace (although even without intercourse the standing partner can lean over and embrace the receiving partner's upper body, or else just gently rest his or her hands on the receiving partner).
Despite what mainstream pornography tends to portray, women don't usually have orgasms from intercourse alone. However, a woman is MUCH more likely to experience orgasm during intercourse if she has had one or more orgasms (especially of the G-Spot variety) before intercourse commences. Popular positions for male-female intercourse include missionary and woman-on-top (which allow face-to-face intimacy) and "doggie style" (which allows the woman to easily rub her clitoris while being penetrated).
Fingering Techniques
Here are some techniques for fingering a woman's vagina and clitoris:
Clean Hands-You will want to wash your hands well to make sure that you do not introduce harmful bacteria into the vagina or introduce it into the urethra.
Trim fingernails, so as to not cause pain or tears.
Begin with a light, gentle caress that barely touches the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go much further until your partner's pelvis begins to arch upwards. Tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers to come to play.
Try inserting your first two fingers into her vagina, then arch your thumb back 'hitch-hiker' style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. Now wriggle, twist, thrust, and vibrate your hand to drive her wild.
Gently insert one finger deep into her vagina and, when she's ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus (Don't insert it). Press against her anus while you move your fingers inside her vagina.
Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your palm around her clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her pubic bone. Alternate stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the clitoris, and the external G-Spot\bladder. Orbit your forefinger around between her inner and outer labia from the perineum to above her clitoris.
A woman's lover will want to respect that the clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman's body. Rough rubbing directly on it (especially with rough skin) is not usually ideal. Another area that if often misunderstood, is that most women want to have a constant, repetitive motion to one or both sides of their clit. Many women have a favourite side, so it is always good to ask which side your baby likes, or if you are the receiver of such divine fun, to tell your lover. Communication is always key during GOOD sex.
Variation of speed and moving all around the clit is not generally preferred. Most women need constant, repetitive, stimulation with little to no variation just as a vibrator would offer. That is one reason why women love those beautiful toys so much!
Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vagina with your mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you learn to do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it.
What applies to the penis applies to the vulva-- everyone is different, requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it can deliver to a happy vagina.
This article assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can identify with some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, labia minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to bottom.
How fast should I go?
This isn't an attack. Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the clitoris is far too sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it, stimulating the hood, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and listen to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex is concerned. Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the vagina, or perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your tongue can get at her vulva more directly.
I've heard cunnilingus doesn't taste good.
If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash it first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is a good if acquired, taste. As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general, fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax-- but there shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what you can do for her.
What about cunnilingus during menstruation?
Some people are particularly turned off at the suggestion of cunnilingus during menstruation. If it is a concern to you, then wait. A tampon may well hold the blood back, as will a diaphragm, but some men can't stand the taste anyway. If your partner is healthy, however, there is no particular danger in menstrual blood, and some women find that orgasms during their periods alleviate cramps.
There are no rules but a few things to consider. If you are performing cunnilingus:
* do not use your teeth at all. Cunnilingus needs only your tongue and lips in this sensitive area.
* do not use your teeth at all.
* do not blow into the vagina. This can be dangerous
* vary the way you suck and lick the clitoris; be responsive to your partner's needs
If you are receiving cunnilingus consider this:
* let your partner breathe. Keep your thighs wide enough apart to allow them some air
* let your partner rest, because cunnilingus can be exhausting to the tongue muscles
* let your partner know when you are reaching orgasm: it's important to get the feedback
* don't be shy about telling your partner what you want to do. Most people appreciate the advice
* if your clitoral area becomes sensitive, tell your partner.
Female Hottest Spots
Female Erogenous Zones Her Neck
Her neck must be one of the hottest spots on the female body. You have never found a method more effective than hot passionate kisses on the neck to turn a good night kiss into an invitation for brunch. There are several things to keep in mind here. but most importantly, control yourself! Hickies may have been the big thing when you were younger, but most women hate them, especially when they have to wear turtlenecks for a week! If you must suck for blood, keep the hickies in places that are usually covered by clothes. Try to have a moist mouth, but don't slobber! Cover different areas of her neck with tender kisses, using the areas under/behind the ears for extra stimulation. Light nibbling and tugging usually work really well also. Start out soft and gentle as she gets into it, slowly going harder and wilder to light that fire of passion within her.
Her Ears
Bundles of nerve endings are in and around the ears, making them ultra-sensitive to your touch. Use the pads of your index finger and thumb to massage the outer ears with slow, firm movements. Gently squeeze the earlobes. Explore the area behind the ear with your lips and tongue, and then exhale deeply but gently while you keep nibbling. Don't be shy about making noise while you're lingering there, the sound of your breath and moans is a huge turn-on for most women. Make sure to remember there is a fine line between sensual ear play and "wet willies". Very few women enjoy having someone's tongue jammed down their ears!
Her Lips
The number one mistake guys (especially married or in long-term relationships) make during sex? Not enough kissing. Women love to kiss, and many of them complain that guys just don't spend enough time on it. But don't just kiss more, also do it better. Try varying the intensity (kiss her softly, then more passionately, then slow it down again). When you're done with her lips, move on to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, neck, or earlobes (stressing neck and ears). Don't get dull doing the same thing over and over; make sure to mix up your style. If you generally move your hands all over her body when you kiss (which, by the way, is really good), try kissing her for several minutes without letting your hands roam (focus all your passion on the kiss), and let her indicate when she's ready to move on.
Her Scalp
You've noticed that a lot of women play with their hair? It's not just a nervous habit; they do it because it feels good. Chances are she's wishing you would play with it, too. The scalp can be very sensitive to stimulation, and since she's probably not expecting you to lavish any attention on it, surprise her. Having her hair brushed can be a very sensual experience. Or run your fingers through it as you're kissing her, or, simply caress her scalp gently with your hand. Get some bonus points for washing or blow-drying, just leave the actual styling to her - you'll never get that thing with her bangs to work out right. On the other hand, some women have phobias when it comes to having their head touched; start out slow so your partner has a chance to stop you if she is one of those.
Her Breasts
Breasts are familiar territory for most men and they're fun, so it's unlikely you'll shortchange them. The mistake you're more likely to make is giving them too much (or too vigorous) attention before she's ready. Over-stimulating the breast can be numbing or painful for women during some parts of their menstrual cycle. Try taking the less-is-more approach. Touch her breast softly, then lift your hand away for a moment, and then continue. That allows her to have an important moment of anticipation. Stick to indirect stimulation of the nipples until they become aroused (hard) and don't just focus on the bull's eye; the same concept as before - anticipation.
The entire breast is rich in nerve endings and all breasts have the same number of nerve endings. Thus, a woman with smaller breasts may experience increased sensations per touch. This results from a condensed amount of nerve endings. All breasts respond with time; lovers, go slow, take your time and slowly fondle the breast. Areas that are especially sensitive to touch include the nipple and the areola (the pinkish area that directly surrounds the nipple). One of the most sensitive spots, which is often ignored, is the underside of her breast. When kissing and touching her breasts, try starting around the outside and moving inward with slow circles. She may push your mouth or hand directly to her nipples, but don't let her do it, just continue moving slowly towards her nipple. Take your time; she is not going anywhere, so tease her. This whole process should take at least a few minutes. Next, wet the tip of your finger and lightly touch and roll her nipple around. Then, very lightly, using your fingertips, squeeze the nipple between them and when they are nice and hard, bring your mouth in. Note: some women enjoy nibbling and rougher play, while others are really sensitive and prefer light soft touching. Find out her preferences by asking or watching her reactions.
Her Other Soft Spots
Here is where you can be really creative. Try tenderly kissing or caressing the backs of her knees, the insides of her arms, her inner thighs, or her palms. Women love to have these areas gently stroked, kissed, licked, or blown upon (be gentle on these areas, they are made of very soft tissue). Gentle stimulation is usually more arousing than the pressure that's hard or rough. Catching her off guard can be half the fun. A lot of people don't realize that having a tongue going up their inner arm is going to be erotic. Again, we must stress that the skin is the largest organ; there is lots to explore, so get at it!
Her Clitoris
It is located at the top juncture of her inner vaginal lips, a small knob of pink flesh. Women like different amounts of direct stimulation on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clitoris, others would shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited (i.e., very wet). The fact is, most women need a good bit of arousal before having their clitoris targeted, but once they have reached that point, that's where many women want you to devote your attention. Refer to the diagrams if you are unsure of where the clitoris is located.
Her Perineum
The perineum is the area between the vagina and the anus, it is very sensitive for a lot of women and it often goes unexplored. It's made from tissue similar to the vaginal lips so there are a lot of nerve endings there. It also has an element of intimacy that might turn her on. Some girls are scared of or disgusted by anal play, so if this is the case, ease her mind by reassuring her that you are not going to do anything she is against. It's not a part of the body that's normally exposed, so she will feel like she's giving you special privileges, which can be exciting. This area is like any other area you first encounter that is sensitive, stick to a light touch at first and hold off until she's been aroused for some time. For a smoother experience, try using a little artificial lubricant or massage oil.
Her Buttocks
Ready to get to the bottom of things? A lot of women like their buttocks attended to, and with more vigour than you might think. You can use pressure on a butt that you wouldn't use on a breast. It's not sensitive the way a nipple or a clitoris is so you can knead them and squeeze them. Many women are self-conscious about their behinds, so spending time here will show her that you like it, and hopefully allow her to be more comfortable with herself and you.
The Small Of Her Back
Don't make the mistake of making her breasts the only stop on your way to the main event. That's what she's expecting. Surprise her by asking her to lie on her stomach and massage her lower back. Besides being rich in nerve endings, the small of the back has pressure points where stress can accumulate. A massage there might not turn her on in the same way that sucking on her nipple or rubbing her clitoris will, but it'll feel good and help release stress. What's more, it could even help with arousal, by increasing blood flow and engorgement in the pelvic area. Start by applying steady but moderate pressure with your fingertips and if she likes it, work up to a deeper massage. It never hurts to throw in a few kisses there as well. One technique we have learned usually works well with a massage is; while you are massaging her, take a minute or so to kiss her neck, then run your tongue very softly down her spine. After this, you can continue with the massage or "go for lunch!"
Her Fingers and Toes
A little creativity can go a long way when sex is involved. Here's a tip: Try sucking on her fingers or toes during foreplay or intercourse. (Granted, unless you're a contortionist, the toe thing may be a bit rough during intercourse, but you can usually find her fingers.) They're a lot more sensitive than you might think and for whatever reason, a relatively large area in the brain receives sensation for them. Lightly kissing or passionately sucking them, especially combined with the sensations you're causing in her genitals, can be incredibly erotic.