She screams she moans, she thrashes, she pulls your hair, and announces, “I’m coming!” so loud that the neighbors can keep score. And yet, you still have your doubts. If you find yourself asking “Is my girlfriend faking it?” the answer, unfortunately, is probably yes. If you’re wondering this at all, you really need to ask yourself these two other corollary questions: “Are you giving her a reason to fake it?” and “Would you even know a real female orgasm if you saw one?” If your answers are “Yes” and “No,” or “I’m not sure,” keep reading.
Why Can’t They Be More Like Guys?
Confusion about female orgasms is understandable. By comparison, the mechanics of the male orgasm are easy to observe and comprehend: Dick gets hard > Dick gets stroked/sucked/fucked > and Dick shoots. Nothing mysterious there. Why can’t girls be that simple? Well, they’re just not made that way. Their sexual organs and arousal process are primarily internal. So unless she’s a squirter (i.e. she has female ejaculations), a woman has no outstanding external indicator that she’s having an orgasm. However, you can look for signs that indicate that she’s getting ready to come, she’s coming, or she’s already peaked.
Arousal – If she’s aroused, her pupils may be dilated, her skin may be flushed on her face, neck, and breasts, and her breathing may be rapid and irregular. In general, her moaning and panting will not just get louder but speed up as she approaches climax.
Orgasm – Part of the problem here is that women can have both minor “mini orgasms” or earth-shaking, toe-curling orgasms, and technically they both count as O’s. In either case, though, a woman’s PC (pubococcygeal), vaginal, and uterine muscles contract. It may be just a flutter, or it may be dick-gripping contractions. Some women go rigid when they come; some writhe some go limp. Some scream, and some go silent. Her heart rate will increase. She may have involuntary movements, such as shuddering.
Afterglow – She’ll have a dazed, dreamy look and be kind of glassy-eyed. She’ll need to catch her breath, and her breathing and heart rate will slowly return to normal. Her flushed skin will gradually return to normal.
And the Oscar for Best Fake Orgasm Goes To…
Here are a few telltale signs that she’s putting on a show:
Coming EVERY time – Few women come every single time they have intercourse. If you brag to your friends your girlfriend effortlessly comes 100% of the time, you may have a faker on your hands. Also, every real orgasm is different. If your girlfriend has the same reaction to every orgasm, it may just be play-acting.
Coming Without Communication – Some women can come very quickly from sex, regardless of what you do, but most need their specific needs and desires met to get off. A particular position, rhythm, or sex act is often a prerequisite to a real orgasm. If your girlfriend never even hints at what she needs to climax but always climaxes, she may be faking it.
Obvious overacting – This can be a tough call since some women will moan and talk dirty to turn you on and to turn themselves on. Still, if she’s moaning mechanically, her groaning is too regular or too loud, and she sounds like she’s imitating a porn star, she’s probably faking and not even doing an excellent job.
Out of synch – If her moaning and responses don’t correspond to what you are doing to her, something is wrong. She may be faking if you stop and she keeps moaning with the same rhythm and intensity.
No indication of arousal – She may be faking if she’s not showing any physical signs of arousal, such as flushed skin or increased heart rate and rapid breathing.
Coming too soon – Some women are just quick on the trigger, and there are exceptions, like if she is really turned on to begin with, but it usually takes women anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes to work up to an orgasm.
No recovery time – There are exceptions, but if she “comes” and immediately bounces out of bed to brush her teeth, she probably faked it. It should take her a few minutes to “come down” after orgasm.
Why Is She Faking It?
This is not to let her off the hook because lying and dishonesty can’t be condoned, especially in a relationship. And a woman has to take responsibility for her pleasure in a sexual encounter and communicate to her partner if something isn’t working for her. That said, if your girlfriend is faking it, there are a limited number of reasons:
You don’t know how to make her come, but she wants you to think you’re a good lover.
She doesn’t really want sex, but she doesn’t know how to tell you, so she’s trying to get it over with.
Whatever you’re doing to her, she wants you to stop it as soon as possible because a) it hurts, b) it’s annoying her, or c) she wants to sleep.
She cannot come during sex with another person and is too embarrassed to admit it.
She has never had an orgasm and is too embarrassed to admit it.
That last one is more common than you’d think. A surprising number of younger women have never come before and do what they think they should do, usually based on what they’ve seen in movies, porn or otherwise. Still, this is the exception rather than the rule. Chances are she is just not digging your groove and is trying to spare your feelings in one way or another. It’s like when you tell her that she’s a great cook or her poetry is fantastic, and then she keeps insisting on serving you overcooked steak and mushy vegetables or reading you her latest “piece.” It’s hard to back out of the lie once you’ve set the precedent.
What You Can Do
If you feel confident that your girlfriend is faking orgasms, your course of action is determined by your motives: Are you more concerned about her dishonesty, or are you more concerned that your encounters do not fulfil her? People don’t like to be caught lying, so if you confront her, she will probably deny it and get defensive. And if you’re wrong, you run the risk of looking like an ass. On the other hand, if you just want to pick a fight with her, accusing her of faking is an excellent tactic.
If you don’t know for sure how to give a woman an orgasm, do a little homework and find out how to improve your technique. Most women (up to 70%) don’t come from intercourse alone, so you do need to have some other strategies at your disposal. Learn where her clit is and where her G spot is. Brush up on fingering and oral sex.
If you’ve already got the basics down and you’ve had success in the past making other women climax, you need to find out what works for her. This means taking your time, focusing on her body, and asking her to tell you what feels good. Set aside some time and dedicate it to making her come, then use what you learn in your subsequent sessions. However, if you talk to her about it, you may find that she doesn’t care whether or not she comes during sex with you. She may be satisfied getting off later with her vibrator. If that’s the case, she might drop the act for both of your sakes.
Ultimately, you may never know for sure that she was faking it or why unless she breaks down and confesses or throws it in your face amid an argument. But if you suspect she is pulling an act in bed, use it as a challenge and an opportunity to experiment. Switch up your sexual moves and see if you can give her a genuine toe-curler. That may convince her to get real with you.