Worried that you don't last long enough during sex? Feel like a “minute man”? Well, you’re not alone – not by a long shot. Premature ejaculation is the number one question we get here – more than penis size, more than pregnancy, more than STDs, more than anything.
An Army of Minute Men?
Of course, you would never guess that premature ejaculation (PE) is so common because nobody ever talks about it. Even if it’s bugging them, most guys won’t bring it up with their doctor. Almost every guy experiences this kind of tool trouble at least once or twice during his sexual career. And many, many more have an ongoing struggle with it. Some statistics say 20 to 30% of all men experience PE. That’s around one in four. Way more guys have trouble with being too quick on the trigger than have a problem getting it up. That’s why we’ll give you some straight answers on PE and what you can do about it.
How Long Should I Be Lasting?
The term “minute man” pretty much sums it up: if you shoot your wad in a minute or less after penetration, you probably have what would be called premature ejaculation. You might even come before you get it in. Technically, PE means you’re coming sooner than you want to or expect to during sex, you don’t have any control over it, and it’s stressing you out or making you feel bad. If you come in a couple of minutes, but you don’t mind and your girlfriend is cool with it, then there’s not really a problem. But if every sexual encounter climax with you saying to your date, “Oops, sorry,” then that qualifies as having a problem with PE.
Let’s Get Real
Of course, many guys have unrealistic expectations about how long they’re supposed to last while fucking, and even how long women want them to last. The guys in porn videos pound away for what looks like hours at a time, but that’s all staged. Like average penis size, stamina in bed is vastly overestimated. In real life, most men don’t really last all that long – some surveys put the average lasting time before ejaculation at about seven minutes, which means a lot of guys actually last less than that. Three to four minutes is more like it if you're young and amped up. It’s simply not realistic to think that you should be able to fuck like a stallion for half an hour, then climax at will when your expertly skilled thrusting brings your partner to a screaming orgasm. Believe us, it just doesn’t happen that way. And as far as what women want, the truth is, most women (60 to 70%) cannot come through fucking alone; even if you could go all night, they’d only get sore. So a few minutes of intercourse is probably enough as long as you can back it up with other sexual skills like fingering and oral sex.
What Causes Premature Ejaculation?
If you do have PE, there’s a small chance it’s caused by a disease or a medication you’re taking, but this is rarely the case. Most of the time there is no clear reason for premature ejaculation, and doctors still aren’t sure what causes most PE cases. Current theories focus on biochemical factors, such as how sensitive your nervous system is, or the role of the neurotransmitter serotonin. We can tell you for a fact what doesn’t cause PE. It is not caused by excessive masturbation, poor sexual technique, lack of willpower or control, or any personal inadequacy on your part. In other words, if you have PE, don’t blame yourself, and don’t worry too much about what’s causing it. Instead, focus on what you can do about it.
Proven Techniques for Lasting Longer
The most effective way of dealing with PE long term, and the treatment most commonly recommended by sexual experts, is using a stop-start or pinch technique to slow down your reaction time once you get turned on. Researchers and sex therapists have developed these methods and have been proven to increase the time you can last, as long as you use them correctly. They don’t work overnight and can take some practice to master. We’ll describe them briefly, but to really get the full effect, you should buy a book on dealing with PE that takes you through the process step by step. (“PE: How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation” by Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan is one of the best.)
The stop-start method is a technique that you practice first by yourself and then with your sexual partner. First you masturbate until you get close to the point of coming, or “ejaculatory inevitability,” and then back off. You wait long enough to let your erection down, then start stroking again. Repeat this process several times before allowing yourself to climax. This takes some practice by yourself first; then you try having your girlfriend give you a hand job or blowjob, stopping just before you reach the point of no return and then starting again once you've relaxed. Once you get a handle on that, you move on to using the stop-start technique during sex, starting and stopping your thrusting from prolonging the amount of time before you ejaculate.
The pinch method is similar, but instead of just stopping stroking or stopping thrusting, you actually pinch the head of the penis to delay orgasm and reduce arousal. Don’t worry – it’s not as painful as it sounds; the “pinch” is more of a “squeeze.” With your thumb and forefinger, you (or your girlfriend) apply firm pressure to the top and underside of the penis head, just above the ridge on the top side and just below the ridge on the underside. This puts the brakes on the ejaculation reflex, like holding back a sneeze by pressing under your nose. As with the stop-start method, practice applying the pinch when masturbating, then with a partner jerking you off or blowing you, then try using it during sex. It’s less convenient than the stop-start method because you have to withdraw to squeeze. The trick is getting the squeeze on in time to halt orgasm. A firm squeeze at the base of the penis may also do the trick.
The purpose of both of these techniques is for you to become more aware of the feelings in your body while you’re having sex. Most guys can identify that “no turning back” point when they know they will ejaculate and there’s no way to stop it. By getting more familiar with what it feels like before you reach no return, you can slow down what you’re doing and prolong your enjoyment of sex.
More Techniques for Lasting Longer
Here are several strategies people try to last longer, which you might experiment with to see if they help:
Masturbating before sex. This can help by releasing sexual tension and taking some of the pressure off of you. Do it a couple of hours before you plan to have sex, not immediately before.
In conclusion, premature ejaculation is a common concern many individuals face, but it can be effectively managed and improved with the right approach. Through physical, psychological, and lifestyle techniques, individuals experiencing premature ejaculation can take steps towards better sexual health and more satisfying sex life.
It's important to remember that seeking professional help, such as consulting with a healthcare provider or a qualified therapist, can provide valuable guidance and support in addressing premature ejaculation. Open communication with a partner is also key, as it can foster understanding and support in overcoming this challenge together.
By implementing strategies such as practicing relaxation techniques, developing healthy sexual habits, and incorporating techniques like the start-stop and squeeze techniques, individuals can take control of their ejaculation process and experience increased confidence and pleasure in their sexual experiences.
Remember, overcoming premature ejaculation takes time and effort, and progress may be gradual. Be patient with yourself and maintain a positive attitude. With the right mindset and proactive steps, it is possible to improve and manage premature ejaculation, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.