4 Vital Steps To Bring Happiness Back
Admitting there is a problem in the beginning. Just by doing this, you have immediately created the possibility of fixing things. Things haven’t been going well between you and your spouse recently and you have decided that enough is enough. Well done for being honest with yourself. It might sound silly, but so many people find it so difficult just to do this. Now, wouldn’t it be great if you could walk up to someone, say to them “Help me save my marriage” and they handed you a key and it was magically fixed? In your case, you have maybe looked online to see if the help is there for you. Well, I have some good news. The help IS here for you. The bad news is that you are going to have to take some important steps first so that you are in the best position possible to eliminate the possibility of divorce and wake up next to your spouse every day with a smile on your face all over again.
Step 1 – Take Responsibility
You have already partly done this by admitting there is a problem and seeking some help. In addition, though, looking back and seeing where you think YOU have gone wrong in the marriage will be of great benefit. Sure, we all fall into the ‘it’s their fault!’ way of thinking, no matter how happy we are in our partnership. This is especially true when things really aren’t going well and the D-word begins to enter your head. Yes, you can wait for your spouse to change their negative behaviours, to improve their communication skills, to stop doing things that are contaminating the marriage but you may be waiting a long time, and playing the waiting game is only going to lead to frustration.
It’s extremely likely(almost guaranteed, in fact) that you have BOTH contributed to the current state of your marriage so if only one of you(for now) can look back and identify what they have and haven’t done then it is going to be a massive step in the right direction. It can be very difficult to look within and pinpoint where we have fallen short, but unless we do so, then we can’t improve on these things. Think about how you have approached your relationship with your spouse. How have you communicated with them? How have you tried to meet their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs? How much time have you spent with them? How much support have you offered them? And on and on. If you can do this and come back with a solid list of things you know you can improve on, then you are firmly heading in the right direction.
Step 2 – Decide To Work On Your Flaws
Admitting we have flaws and areas we need to improve on is tough, there’s no getting away from it. But that’s how we become better. Maybe you feel that you raise your voice too much when having a conversation with your spouse about your marriage. Next time….try your best NOT to raise your voice. Easier said than done, maybe – but small changes like this can have a massive impact. Maybe you feel you don’t make enough time to spend with your partner. You can try and make that a little bit more. They will most likely see this and appreciate it.
You might be wondering what your partner’s role in all this is. What are THEY doing to make things better? Well, somebody has to make the first move and it might as well be you. Think about it, if they were doing all this soul-searching and trying to improve on things, would YOU be receptive to it? Would you appreciate it? Of course, you would. Only one of you needs to get the ball rolling at first. If we can work on ourselves first, we can then come together and work on the marriage as a whole. Another way of looking at it is this – you go to your spouse and say to them “We need to save our marriage! What are you going to do about it?”. Maybe they would respond “Yeah, I agree – let’s get to work!”. In my experience, that’s quite unlikely though. More likely is that they might possibly get defensive and be unsure of just HOW to go about making things better. By all means, let them know that you feel things aren’t good at the moment, but you want to work on it and are working on your own part in things right now. That will surely go down a lot better with them.
Step 3 - Get Some Professional and Practical Help and Guidance
You’ve admitted there is a problem, you have taken responsibility for your part in things and you have decided to work on your flaws. Those are MASSIVE steps towards saving your marriage already….and your partner hasn’t even been involved in any of it yet. Marriage doesn’t come with a manual, so seeking some professional help and guidance is often a very wise option when things go pear-shaped. Professional counselling is always one such option, but that costs money, can be irregular and you have to go through the whole process of convincing your other half to do it. If you feel this is what you and your partner need, then, by all means, look into it. This type of guidance can be especially useful if your marriage is a volatile one, or if one of you has been unfaithful.
Another option is private, detailed help that you have access to at any time – online help. You came here to Marriage Advice Online and we hope we have been some help to you. You can go to the next level if you want to though. Amy Waterman’s Save My Marriage Today helps couples like you each and every day. A revolutionary and groundbreaking e-course, it can be yours almost immediately and you can put a massive amount of practical help and advice to work straight away. We own this course ourselves have written a detailed text review of it and also have a video review so you can see just exactly what it is and how it is so powerful that it literally can save your marriage today.
Step 4 – Work On Your Marriage Together With Your Partner
You are now ready to put everything you have learned into practice. By now you have taken responsibility, decided to work on your own flaws, and have sought some practical help and guidance. You are now in a great position and a lot of the weight should have been lifted off your shoulders. The chances are that your partner will have seen the positive changes you have made, and will be making positive changes themselves. You could even both be working together to save the marriage already. If you aren’t, then you surely will be soon. Your partner needs to go through the same process and steps you did. If you can do it, they can do it, right? Of course, they can. Once you are both making that conscious effort to improve your relationship, things can go from strength to strength. You can be laughing together again. You can be spending quality time together again. You can have the amazing physical relationship you once shared back again. You can be looking to the future together again.