Are You Concerned About Sexual Harassment?
Have you experienced sexual harassment? Are you wondering whether what you experience is sexual harassment? Have you been accused of sexual harassment? Are you trying to investigate a case of sexual harassment? Are you concerned about friends or colleagues who are victims of sexual harassment? We are too!
What is Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment is a form of illegal sex discrimination where intimidating, hostile, abusive, or offensive conduct is directed at an employee in a workplace or work-related setting. The conduct can take the form of sexual conduct, but sexual harassment is not limited to such conduct. Any abusive or offensive conduct that is directed at a woman because she is a woman (and vice versa) violates federal and state standards. So, for example, if a man directs violent conduct (i.e. throwing things like keys, pencils, and phones) at women at least in part because they are women, such conduct is illegal.
One type of sexual harassment, Quid Pro Quo Harassment, occurs when sexual favours are requested in exchange for job opportunities. “I will give you a raise if you sleep with me.” Another type of sexual harassment, Hostile Work Environment Harassment, occurs when the workplace is altered by abusive or offensive conduct. This occurs when another employee continually asks something like, “Hey good looking, want to look at my pornography collection in my locker.” No one needs to work in such a polluted environment.
While it can be useful to learn about the legal definition of sexual harassment, it is also critical to realize that the law does not always match the experience of people. A situation that is legal and seems harmless to others can lead some to a major life crisis, while others may be exposed to sexual harassment in the legal sense without feeling much affected.
Our goal for this website is to enhance understanding of the personal experience. From various people involved with sexual harassment, we know that even when the scenarios of what happened are quite different, the experiences, and the problems and issues that need to be dealt with, can be remarkably similar.
A further goal is to contribute to informing the public about sexual harassment and to promote the healing of those who have been hurt.
We Want to Hear From You!
We hope that this site will also be seen as an invitation. A truly accurate and informative picture of the experience of sexual harassment can only emerge if many people with different viewpoints and experiences contribute their unique expertise. We thus very much appreciate your comments on the material presented here as well as any original contributions.
End the sexual harassment
Once a person has realized that her personal space has been violated, ending this violation becomes her first priority. Some confront the harasser; others turn to the harasser’s manager or follow the ways suggested by the sexual harassment policy. Yet others simply quit their job to escape the situation. While creating a distance between the victim and the perpetrator is certainly an important step, it usually does not automatically resolve the issue for the victim.
Stay in Job
Victims usually want to keep their current job or an equivalent position and continue in their chosen career path.
Come to terms with the experience
Each victim comes to terms with the experience in her own unique way, but the process often involves the following observations.
- I need to stand up for myself. If I do not protect and assert my personal space, nobody will do it for me. Even if the perpetrator’s actions are illegal, it is possible that nobody will stop him unless I take steps to defend my rights.
- I need to find my priorities. Even if a victim is very assertive she will often find out that it is unrealistic that all her wishes will be granted. This does not mean that she is overly demanding. There are often conflicts between simple demands such as working in a harassment-free environment and continuing one’s career, or wanting justice and wanting to move on with one’s life. The victim needs to decide what is of primary importance to her, and act accordingly.
- I need to be true to myself. Sometimes victims set specific priorities, decide on how they will act but then cannot follow through. For example, the decision to simply bear the harassment in order to enjoy one’s career might end in failure. Victims learn to pay attention to and be honest about their feelings, teaching them what they really want and need.
Pursue Justice
When victims realize how painful their experience was (or still is), they usually want to make sure that the perpetrator will be held accountable for inappropriate behaviour so that nobody else has to go through a similar experience. While this is certainly laudable, victims should realize that they are likely to encounter a lot of resistance in their search for justice, which can add to their sense of powerlessness and increase their pain even further. They should also realize that seeing the perpetrator punished may not give them the closure they desire; they still have to come to terms with the experience of powerlessness. This is not to say that victims should not pursue this issue, but they need to consider carefully if they have sufficient strength and commitment at this point, and whether this is really important to them. Since a lot of pain can be involved in this process, friends should be careful not to push a victim in this direction. One possibility to consider is to first emphasize personal healing and then pursue the issue of justice with renewed strength.
Get on with life
Every victim wishes at some point during the ordeal that she could just forget about the whole thing and move on with her life. This issue cannot be pressed, however, and is not facilitated by the encouragement of impatient friends. The experience has been too unsettling and painful and needs to be processed before the victim will be ready to move on. Sometimes victims are held back by the sense that they have a moral obligation to make sure that the case is properly handled, and that no other woman has to suffer as they did. While pursuing justice can feel very rewarding and give the victim a sense of making a positive contribution, the conscious choice to let go of the inflicted injustice and being able to move on with one’s life can be a very empowering experience as well.
People involved in sexual harassment often find themselves confronted with behaviour they cannot comprehend. Victims are wondering why the harasser is behaving in a way that is so offensive to them and why they cannot get him to stop; alleged harassers are wondering why someone they trusted would turn against them and unfairly accuse them; colleagues are trying to understand why the victim did not defend herself better; partners are asking themselves why the investigation of the incidence apparently takes forever; and friends are wondering why the victim makes such a big deal of the episode instead of simply moving on with life.
Understanding Sexual Harassment
One goal for this website is to contribute to a better understanding of what goes on during a typical incidence of sexual harassment, and what motivates the behaviour of the main “players”. We are striving towards a balanced view that is fair to all the parties involved. We would hope that you, the reader, will feel encouraged to share some of your unique experiences with sexual harassment with us because a truly accurate picture of what sexual harassment is like can emerge only if many different people with different views and expertise contribute to this site.
Building a Community For Healing
Sexual harassment can be a very painful experience, and often those involved feel isolated from their friends, colleagues, or community in general. Our goal for this website is to provide a forum for all those concerned about sexual harassment. We want this website to be a place where they can voice their concerns, share their experiences, and find a community where they feel understood.
Educating the Public About Sexual Harassment
Finally, we hope this website can contribute to raising awareness. While many potential harassers are informed about what behaviour is acceptable and what is not, most do not understand how devastating the experience can be for the victim. In other words, they realize harassment is illegal but they nevertheless consider it rather harmless.
This attitude, which also seems to resonate with the general public, cannot be changed by any policy or law. It can only change if victims overcome their shame and speak out. Victims honestly sharing their experiences may be the most effective way of preventing sexual harassment, or at least reducing its prevalence.